State Of Grace
by obsessed668
Summary: This feeling in my heart, the warm fiery sensation that fills me up and seems to stop time. This feeling I get when I dance, where I forget about my problems, where I forget that I am seen as burden, where I am in a State of Grace
1. Love is a State of Grace

My name is Lily Evans

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own anything… nothing to do with Harry Potter! If I did … Sirius would never have died!

I was five years old when I realized I didn't belong in my family. It happened on a Friday. It must have been, because I remembered that I had been restless and preoccupied that day, the way I was only on Fridays, the day when I went to my ballet classes. To pass time until the moment that I would leave, when I would start my journey to the ballet studio, crossing the knee-high grass in the front garden, reaching up and waving to it like an old friend.

I had climbed a chair and taken down my mother's Ballet doll, the one my grandmother had bought for me but my mother wanted to sell it for money. That doll was the sole relic that I had of my Grandmother who had died when I was two and I treasured every bit of it, the graceful curve of the arms, and the hand-painted make-up of the face.

It was this beautiful doll that slipped from my fingers, the one that fell to the wooden floorboards and shattered.

When mother saw the doll, her face flushed red and her upper lip shivered, and her eyes settled on me in a flat, unblinking way. My mother looked so mad I thought she was going to hit me again, but not that time, Instead, she grabbed my wrists and pulled me close, and through gritted teeth said, "You are a clumsy little demon, you are nothing but a burden, you clumsy little demon,"

At the time, I didn't understand. I didn't know what this word- burden- meant. Nor was I old enough to appreciate the injustice.

Later when I was older, I did understand. It was the way my Mother uttered the word- not so much saying it as spitting it at me- I understood what my mother meant that _burden_ was an unwanted thing; that I was a person who would never have a claim over things such as love, family and a home.

"Lily!! Get your ass down here!" My mum's hoarse voice yelled out at me. I put down my pen and my face lifted up into a vulgar expression wondering if she was ever going to let me finish high school and not fail. I ran downstairs and skidded swiftly into the lounge, my auburn hair flying around me.

I looked down at my mother slouched on a chair, her strawberry blonde hair stuck to her gaunt face that was void of the vibrant beauty it used to have. Her skin was a chalky white and dark bags hung behind her dull green eyes that showed barely any life.

"What is it Mum? I'm trying to study, you know, exams… school?" I grumbled with a dark look, fiddling with the hem of my sleeve to distract myself from her piercing glare.

"You've had half an hour to study, I need you to take your sister to brownies" Was the response I got. I grimaced sourly. There was only one thing wrong with it.

"Mum you know I can't! I have ballet in half an hour and it takes at least 20 minutes to get Gemma to and from ballet, There's no way I'll have enough time to be ready for class and have done my school work!" I reasoned somewhat pathetically as I knew that reason had given up on this family years ago.

"We all have to contribute to this family!" Mum spat at me in disgust. My dad stirred from his position on the couch, his mop of red hair flat against his balding head and dark beady irises under heavy eye lids.

"Lillian Rose, Do what your mother asks" he slurred and shifted his position before falling asleep again.

I opened my mouth to protest but a narrowed icy glare from my mother clamped my mouth shut and I sighed in defeat.

I looked up at her with betrayed eyes, "Yes Mum" I said flatly, almost sneering at her and turned towards the stairs. I hoped that Madame wouldn't be too angry at me for being late, again. "We all have to contribute to this family?" I repeated my mums biting words bitterly to myself and bit my tongue to restrain myself from asking her just what her contribution was to the family.

I ran up the stairs taking care to stomp my feet loudly to relieve my anger and turned to Gemma's room.

I curled my fingers around the handle. I tugged the door open and my eyes fell upon a pretty young girl. She had long soft blonde hair twisted into two plaits that framed her heart shaped rosy face; she looked up at me with wide innocent golden green eyes that were deep and memorizing.

I smiled warmly down at her, if there was one person in the family that could make me smile it was Gemma.

"Hey Princess, ready to go?" I asked with a kind smirk, leaning against the door frame.

Gemma smiled sweetly and jumped from her bed to skip to my side, her blonde plaits dancing around her face. She coiled her small hand around mine and we rushed down the corridor.

We descended the stairs quietly, and then we were out the door as fast as we could with a hasty "Bye Mum!" yelled over my shoulder.

We hopped in the car and drove to Gemma's Brownies as fast as possible, and as I dropped her off I made sure that she knew to wait for me to pick her up. I made sure she knew not to get into the car with Petunia and her ass of a boyfriend, Vernon.

I glanced over to the small assembly of girls wearing the same uniform with proud beaming smiles on their faces. I chuckled to my self as I heard some of the girls call out Gemma's name with excited waving arms.

Gemma peered over at them shyly with a small sweet smile. Gemma locked her skinny arms around my waist for a brief moment and then with one last smile ran off with her friends. Gemma had always been a popular kid. I nodded goodbye and jumped back in the vehicle.

I drove quickly, turning the wheel and spinning the car to the right lane. A small hurdle of tightly packed houses surrounded the dance studio for the Bradnum Debra Ballet School. I grimaced, struggling to drive whilst trying to get changed in the car.

I shoved my stuff into the back seat and swung the car door open. I jumped out clumsily and banged the door shut. Slanting needles of rain showered down on me as I scrabbled around my purse for find a hair band to fasten my hair into a neat ponytail.

I sprinted inside and skidded to a halt outside the classroom to compose myself. My cheeks were rosy from the cold and my hair dripping wet. I quietly opened the door and tried to take my place on the bar without it being noticed that I was ten minutes late. No Such Luck.

"Miss Lillian Evans, You are late!" hissed the strict voice of my mentor, Madame Michelle. I cringed, afraid to look up at her piercing glare, knowing that my answer would never suffice.

"I had to drop Gemma at brownies and-"I started to explain but was cut off by Madame.

"I have no time for your excuses today; we are going over the steps for the annual performance. Get In Line" Madame Michelle snapped with a slight French accent laced between her syllables.

My face flushed and I heard stifled laughter coming from the less kindhearted dancers. I glared at them hotly which shut them up in seconds, after breaking several noses they learnt not to mess with me.

I quickly spotted a Japanese girl and made my way over to her. She had long black hair and a thick fringe that gently brushed across her dark brown eyes. She was fairly petit with tanned skin and a quirky grin. She of course was my best friend Lucy; we had been dancing together since we were five.

She nodded causally in my direction with a crooked smile and she tried to catch me up. "Madame's just angry because Giuliette is quitting because her parents refused to pay." She whispered only loud enough for me to hear.

I gasped, shocked, as, whilst Guiliette was not the best dancer, she could keep a beat, and her parents were rich.

"No way!" I said rather loudly but clamped my mouth shut when I saw Madame Michelle's eyes on me.

"Shush!" Lucy hissed at me, moving into third position gracefully with a rather gawky scowl on her face, "You wanna get us both in trouble?"

I ignore her and obediently followed the easy warm up steps that Madame Michelle was performing for us to copy. I was silently wondering what it was that would suddenly cause Guiliette's parents to refuse to pay for the fees. Sure it was a lot of money but nothing they couldn't handle. Lucky for me I had gotten a scholarship on my first try, I passed with flying colours.

After the lesson, Lucy waited for me by the door, casually dressed in ripped jeans and a tight sweatshirt. I walked out of the changing room fairly tired to see her bright happy face sporting a mischievous crooked grin.

I glanced wearily at her and stepped to her side walking down the bright corridor.

"What's Up?" I was almost afraid to ask, worried at the expression on her face.

"No-Thingg!" Lucy sing-songed, almost skipped down the hallway. "Madame just wants to see us two, right now!"

"What?!" I exclaimed, aghast. I knew it was nothing to do with me being late, as that would not require Lucy to be there as well, but I wondered at what could possibly require us both.

"Maybe it's for something good! Maybe we won a prize!!" Said Lucy, always the positive thinker.

I grimaced as we reached the end of the corridor, which also meant we had reached Madame Michelle's Office. "Or maybe we're both getting kicked out!" I hissed, trying to stop our progress through the door.

"Girls! Come in and sit down" Madame said sharply, cutting off whatever Lucy's answer could have been.

We both took a seat on the uncomfortable wooden chairs that were placed in front of Madame's desk. I fidgeted, playing with my hands until Lucy nudged me and I glanced up to see Madame looking at me sternly, which halted my fingers.

"I have called you two in because two weeks ago I was visited by a couple from The Royal Ballet Academy. They have offered me two full scholarships to whichever two girls show the most potential and commitment. I have observed the class, and decided that you two are the girls of whom I would be proud to send. " Madame explained, her expression only being able to be described as proud.

Lucy and I glanced at each other, each as surprised as the other, and then we grinned.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter.

I have hopes for this story, and I know what the plot that I'm heading for it is

It may take a few chapters, but hopefully you can see what it's going to be like.

I'd just like to thank my FANTASTIC beta/kinda co-author, JG or Japaneze gurl,

I send it to her, she sends it back and I read over it again.

I love her and couldn't live without her, so this is a shout out to you babe!

Thanks for reading … please leave a review…

It only takes you 3 minutes but it gives me a whole day of happiness!

Oh, and the Royal Ballet Academy is a real place, and I don't have any rights to it or anything, and im not getting anything out of this except happiness.


	2. Transcending Time and Space

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Don't Sue me, I'm Broke.

I sighed as I trailed behind my insistent mother. So what if I'd "accidentally" broken her favorite vase beyond repair … she could always get a new one right? That was no reason to make me stuck doing the pickup rounds.

I scuffed my toe along the cement pathway and shot a glare at mother's quickly retreating back. If I didn't hurry up, she would yell back and then-

"JAMES!! Come on, I don't have all day you know!" Anne Potter snapped, fixing her only son with a glare

"Coming _Mo_ther!" I yelled back, and then mumbled "don't get your panties in a twist"

The only reply was "I heard that!"

I quickened his steps as they finally reached their destination. The Royal Ballet Academy.

Four Years ago, I had been dragged to this place, to pick up my older sister, Bree. After that day, I had sworn I would _never_ go back to that place, ever again.

And yet here I was. Dragging my feet as though I could delay the moment.

I finally set foot inside the dreaded place and immediately shuddered. Just by raising my eyes I could see the girls in tiny leotards, which would normally be a good thing for me, but these girls were disgusting. Their bones stuck out in the wrong places and they had no curves, just angles.

I then moved my eyes over to the other side of the hall, and could barely keep my snigger in. To think, these people called themselves men.

All over the hall were hundreds of people doing warm-downs, getting ready to go home.

I sighed, "Mum, can I wait outside?"

"James, is it too little to ask that you might just wait for your sister for 5 minutes?" came the sharp reply, probably because I had interrupted her "gossip" session with another mum.

I took three steps back and slid down against the wall, my feet splayed out in front of me. I pulled my iPod touch out of my pocket, and turned it onto shuffle. My eyes closed unconsciously, and I was only jerked back into the world when the door slammed shut due to a gust of wind.

My eyes snapped open, and looked towards the door, hoping for something, anything, to distract me.

I found it.

She was beautiful, unlike anyone I've ever seen.

Her skin was porcelain white, which only enhanced her bright emerald eyes. Long red hair flowed down her back in smooth waves, and her body was that of a man's dream.

She was dressed casually, in a white singlet, and tight brown skirt, complimented by light brown boots and a large green bag. Now I was not one to usually notice these types of things, but you have got to admit, when you see it like this, you notice. Sirius was going to be so jealous.

When I looked past her looks, I saw a bright smile as she talked animatedly to a person who I could only guess was her friend. I was the only one, besides her friend, to notice, that as soon as she looked into the room, she paled even more, if possible, and her eyes widened in surprise.

I glanced over to where my mother was still chatting, turned my iPod off, stood up, and began to make my way over to this girl.

I was about 5 meters from them when her friend elbowed her, not so subtly, and she glanced over at me.

"Well hello ladies, I'm James, and you are?" I tried to be confident, waiting for their reply

"Not interested" The Red-Head replied, a lot more harshly than I thought. Even her friend looked shocked.

"I'm Lucy, and this is Lily" _Lucy_ replied, gesturing towards Lily, "Sorry about her, she's not usually like this, I think we're both just nervous."

"And why are you nervous?" I tried to aim my question at Lily, but she merely glared at me, forcing Lucy to answer for her,

"We're being interviewed to get a scholarship here"

They were dancers? They sure didn't look like dancers, or act like them. Well, Lily did, but she has a reason. Right?

While I was thinking this, they had walked off, and I could hear Lucy whispering angrily to Lily,

"What the hell was that?"

The soft reply being, " Oh come on, he only wanted one thing, and I can't be fooling around, you _know_ how long it took to get my parents to say yes to this!"

I frowned, before letting it go, for now.

Five minutes later, Bree had finally dragged her butt away from her friends, and she was now acting as though we were keeping her, tapping her toe against the floor and sighing impatiently. Mum finally stopped talking and I was allowed to leave.

As soon as we got home, I ran up to my floor, the fourth floor, and proceeded to turn on my laptop. I drummed my fingers against the table as I waited for it to load, before standing up and grabbing a can of 'V' from the mini fridge.

As soon as the laptop was loaded, I logged onto MSN. Not 5 seconds later an offline message came up.

** says:**

Dude, Call me ASAP.

I shrugged, figuring I needed to talk to him as well, so picked up the phone and dialed the number from heart.

"Thank you for calling the house of Blacks, Regulus speaking how may I help you?" I winced at the formal greeting before saying,

"Yo dude, Sirius in?"

I almost laughed at the pause in between my answer and his reply, almost as though he was trying to figure out what I had said.

"Um, oh, yeah, sure, hang on" Regulus stuttered, and then there was commotion on the other end on the line for a minute.

"Hey man, what the hell did you say to Reg? I left him standing there in the hallway!" Sirius' bark-like laughter greeted me.

"Nice, mate you'll never believe who I met today?"

"Really? 'Cause You'll never guess who I saw today. Hurry up man, tell me"

"Her names Lily. She's gorgeous…" I sighed

"um.. mate did you just say gorgeous AND sigh? HAHA MANNN you are whipped!"

"whatever, she's hot" I snarked

"I trust you, where'd you meet her?"

I cringed... "The Ballet Place"

As expected, the exclamation came. "Oh no! Not one of those anorexic sticks!"

"Nahh, not one of them, she's different, I know it"

"Alright man, whatever you say"

It wasn't until the line had gone dead that I realised that I never found out who Sirius met.


	3. No Other Way I Can Describe

My nerves shook as I walked into the mansion of a building that was the royal ballet academy.

It had taken two weeks, eight arguments and 14 bottles of whisky to convince my parents to let me try out for the scholarship. I was NOT going to mess this up.

Lucy pushed me forward, leaving me no choice but to open the heavy door and I jumped as it slammed behind me.

"Geez Lily, way to make an entrance!" Lucy teased, causing me to let out a short laugh, despite my nerves. I wondered at Lucy's ability to stay calm, even though what we were about to do was going to make or break our careers, and coincidentally, our lives.

Shaking my head, I turned around to face the room, and felt the colour completely drain from my face. How could I ever think I would fit in here? My eyes widened as I took in the skinniest girls I'd ever seen as well as boys who were skinnier than me!

I was still staring, shocked, when Lucy "subtly" elbowed me, signaling the arrival of a teenage guy who swaggered over like he owned the place. He immediately grated on my nerves, because it was evident that he took his riches for granted, and didn't even think that some people might have to actually work.

"Well hello ladies, I'm James, and you are?"

I almost snorted at the corny line, his voice oozing with confidence. I turned my head;

"Not Interested." Feeling more than seeing the shocked look that both _James_ and Lucy were giving me I inwardly sighed.

"I'm Lucy, and this is Lily" I definitely owe Lucy for stepping in on this one, "Sorry about her, she's not usually like this, I think we're both just nervous." Okay, I take that back!

Lucy had hinted the start of a conversation, and James jumped right on it, directing his next question straight at me.

"And why are you nervous?" I merely glared at him, hoping he'd get the picture sometime soon.

"We're being interviewed to get a scholarship here" TMI LUCY!! I know I was being bitchy, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers because I was distracted by some _upper-class_ boy.

As his eyes unfocused ever so slightly, I took the opportunity and subtly pulled Lucy away, walking down to the other end of the hall.

"What the hell was that?" Lucy hissed, as soon as she thought we were out of range.

I scoffed, " Oh come on, he only wanted one thing, and I can't be fooling around, you _know_ how long it took to get my parents to say yes to this!" before lowering my tone and saying "Come on Lucy, don't mess this up for me!"

Lucy immediately looked abashed.

"Sorry babe! I know… but he is SO HOT! I mean come on!! I know you're not blind!"

I giggled, and couldn't stop myself from saying "I KNOW! Did you see those eyes?"

Lucy shot me a knowing glance, before stopping.

I glanced up, and took a deep breath.

"Now or never right?"

I stepped forward and opened the door.

"Alright girls, you start on Monday. Bring your uniforms and permission slips." The strict voice of Madame Voulier followed us as we stepped out the door.

As soon as the door shut behind me, I relaxed, sinking against the nearest wall.

"Oh. My. God!" Lucy screamed, grabbing me off the wall and pulling me into a mini on-the-spot happy dance. I let out a happy sigh

"We did it!" I grinned, exhilaration running through me. I pulled Lucy towards, and out of, the door to the hall.

"We're CELEBRATING!" I squealed, in a moment that was totally unlike me.

As we walked, chatting excitedly about nothing important, we headed down the street towards the nearest Maccas; both deciding that the extra exercise would be worth it.

Stepping inside McDonalds, I quickly glanced around, hoping there was a free booth we could slip into.

Finding one, I pointed it out to Lucy, and went to put our bags down while she got the food.

I realized too late that the booth that I'd seen was right next to a booth holding two guys, one extremely attractive, and the other a younger boy looking very depressed.

I hesitated, before deciding that just because I was a little bit intimidated by someone, I shouldn't have to move.

I sat down in the booth, silently sighing gratefully for the comfortable cushioned chairs, and waiting for Lucy to get back with the snacks.

When she finally arrived, I'd gotten over the initial euphoria of the meeting, and was now ready to grill her on what she thought of it.

"Well? What did you think??"

Lucy looked at me like I was insane, and stated

"Um, he looked like a normal Maccas worker?"

"Not the server! The meeting!" I exclaimed, frustrated.

"Oh! Well the whole time I was thinking _Holy Crap what am I doing here, I am WAY out of my league! _But apart from that it was great! Madame Voulier was really nice, even if she was strict. For some reason I don't think you'll be allowed to get away with being late every second lesson Lil'."

I groaned, "I know! What am I going to do! It's going to take me an extra ten minutes to get there as well!"

Lucy shrugged, taking a gulp of her thick shake, "You could always spend the night at my place the day before."

I grinned, "That BRILLIANT!"

Lucy choked on her thick shake, almost spraying it everywhere, "Whoa, I don't think I've ever heard you say that before!" she commented as soon as she could.

I beamed.

Lucy glanced around and lowered her voice.

"Not to alarm you, but the boy sitting in the next booth has been staring at me the whole time…It's starting to freak me out!"

I finished my own thick shake, and glanced subtly over. His head whipped around to look at the other boy.

"Want me to take care of him?" I asked mischievously. Lucy stared at me in horror.

"No! Don't do it, he's not worth it!" she over-dramatized.

I stood up, ignoring her, and moved the two meters to the next booth.

"Hey, you're starting to scare my friend, so could you stop staring at her?" I asked, before adding

"Please?" onto the end.

"Only if you promise to do something for me as well" He grinned

"Give this to her, and I'm out of here" He palmed me something, and then was out of his seat, and gone.

I glanced down; staring in shock at the paper in my hand, and walking slowly back to her, before finally grinning, and placing it down in front of her.

"Sirius, huh? Go for it girl!"

She looked at the paper holding just a name and a number

_Sirius Black_

_555 8463_

OMGGG I'm SO SORRY!!

I had the biggest writers block ever, and it was only this afternoon, when I finally logged on again, after not logging on for who knows how long, that I saw my 3 latest reviews, and they kinda kicked my ass back into drive, and I felt so guilty for leaving you all!

PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!

I'm really sorry

Oh

And this chapter, so far has been un-edited by my informal beta, Japanese Gurl, possibly my fave girl in the whole world, who also reminded me by sending me a new chapter to beta for her.

Love all of you guys, and I know that this chapter probably wasn't what you were expecting, but I hope its okay.

Rina xoxoxox

P.s. I promise there won't be such a big gap between this chapter and the next one.


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